If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
