Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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