dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
