Swine flu. Run for my life!
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
