I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
