i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
