He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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