Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
