He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize