i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
