i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
