It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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