1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
