Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
