It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
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