im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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