the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
