sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
