Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
