When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Your penis caused this!
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