You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
