the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
