dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
