I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
