i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I just googled if crying burns calories
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
