no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Life is so much better after having sex.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
