Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
