that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
