I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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