But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
