How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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