There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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