please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
