ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
