No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
