Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
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