I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Did I show you my penis last night?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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