she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
