im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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