I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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