Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize