Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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