I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
