dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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