hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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