you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
