I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
