I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
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