this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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