There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
