The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
All the doctor said was why
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
