Jerry, you need to find god
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
