I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
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