I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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