Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
