While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Randomize
