Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
