Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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