Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
