his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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