I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
