not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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