you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize