guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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