it hurts more in the daytime
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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