You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
