You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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