its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
