I just made out with a guy for $7.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
